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Because a lot of people are praying for me, I wanted to make sure you’re kept aware of how those prayers are working. Sunday morning I asked God to reveal how He was working in my life. Sunday night Stacey … Continue reading
I was on the phone with Christine a little while ago, and though she’d probably not allow me liberty to reveal the nature of our conversation, I had to make a mental note that I seemed to be in-the-moment and able to offer her loving, logical, practical advice.
That being said, I am also aware I may be experiencing delusions of grandeur. I hope not, but only Christine and time will tell.
I think I’m still experiencing a mixed episode. Last night I couldn’t catch any of my racing thoughts. The state in which I was writing that post wouldn’t have allowed me to parent the way I was able tonight. Less tearful, but I think that’s just because I have limited my exposure to things emotional. Except for talking to my mother.
We talked about how hard it is for her to understand the nature of this condition. And I imagined Christine trying to explain something like this to me and me not understanding…and so on…and so on…tears…weeping…
So far, it has been the only tearful episode today. I will avoid wimp.com and youtube for the rest of the evening.
Stacey has called on me for assistance tomorrow. What a blessing and honor to be able to help. It’s true—the best way for me to wane pitiful is to be of service to others. And to get out of myself.
Today: I felt useful.
09-09-12: Day One–first dose of Lamictal!
For extra fun these last three days–I’ve been experiencing symptoms of a mixed episode. I am wildly rosy and ready to take charge…and simultaneously weeping uncontrollably. And unable to sleep.
I wept while I cleaned and alphabetized the pantry.
Fought back guttural sobs as I made chicken stock and spice cake.
And then I turned on my local Public Broadcasting Station. Rick Steves was in Provence. I was not. As he chatted it up with a woman living in a stone hut…A STONE HUT (!) in Aix, I was blinded by tears that splashed from my chin onto my t-shirt. I let go. THAT was supposed to be my stone hut. Rick Steves was supposed to be chatting it up with me, the ex-patriot come to France to cook, write…and keep chickens and honeybees for goodness sake!
And now, here I am, unable to slow my thoughts or keep the ones I’m able to catch. With that mild-but-unyielding headache that comes from unrest.
I have eaten badly today. Spice Cake from a box with too many ingredients I cannot pronounce. Knowing my blood pressure is all-of-a-sudden high, had coffee. Salted my quinoa/Brussel’s sprouts/currant pilaf. Had absurdly-delicious California Benedict @ Crackers & Co. with Alexis. With potatoes.
And as it comes upon the hour of 5:30am, I bid you good day.
(or—If I’m Going To Have To Eat My Words, I Hope They’re Nourishing)
09-07-12
I had a successful trip to Urgent Psychiatric Care (UPC) this morning. Successful, but harrowing. Suffice it to say that The Weather Channel lies! I checked before I left the house and saw a pocket or two of light rain, but nothing in the area I was travelling. Not the case. At one point, I was driving in water that came above my ankles. I didn’t have a car in front of to observe, so I was already in it by the time I should have tried to avoid it. At 45mph, on a scooter, rain HURTS!
During my initial triage evaluation. My BP was 156/103 and my pulse was 104. After explaining my commute, they opted to re-try both after I was calmer.
An hour later: BP 153/100 pulse 89.
I’m not sure why it is so high. But I will address this serious new symptom on Thursday, at Mission of Mercy in Mesa. There they will evaluate and prescribe medication at no cost.
Back to the psych evaluation. The good news is that the medication I was on and compliant with for the longest (Lamictal) is now generic. I was prevented from staying on it in the past due to its cost. The doctor prescribed it for a month in a step-up regimen. I will see her a few days before the prescription runs out so she can increase dosage to get me to the therapeutic level, which is going to take about two months. The bad news, and I’m just trying to be forthcoming and transparent, is that even at $15 for a month of medication (as opposed to $200), I am using my last $20 to pay for it. I have a few dollars and cents in cash that I will save for scooter fuel. I put $3 in it this morning, which should last if I’m frugal.
The doctor offered to prescribe a non-addictive sleep med, but I declined. I have used a Benedryl in the past and she said that would work as well as what she could give me.
I’m averaging 4.5 to 5 hours of sleep every 30 or so hours. I’m experiencing symptoms from both ends of the bi-polar spectrum at the same time, which doesn’t happen too often — racing/creative/grandiose thoughts on one end — tearful, sad, depressed on the other, and as I said, both at the same time. The doctor I saw this morning has noted this in my chart.
On discharge, I have been requested to get on a wait-list to become a psychiatric outpatient at Desert Vista Behavioral in Mesa. The discharging doctor said it normally takes a little longer than a month to reach an established patient status, so for the time being, I am to use UPC for follow-ups and medication.
UPDATE: I just got off the phone with Alexis, my amazing friend and LifeGroup leader @ church. We’re meeting tomorrow morning for prayer. She has offered to help get my prescription. I am blessed in so many ways right now…1) I didn’t die on the way to UPC; 2) I didn’t die on the way home; 3) the medication I need is available generically; 4) I have people surrounding me who love and want to help me…Mom, Dad, Linda, Kelly, Maribeth, Alexis, Stacey and Naveen, My Creator, Lord and Savior.
Journey to the Bi-Pole 